Team Production and Gift Exchange
In all three of the New York Times articles that we read included children in some way or another, so I immediately thought of my family and my brothers, specifically. My family as a team works pretty well and I would give credit to my parents for that. They have tried their best to make things as fair as possible for my two brothers and I as we grew up.
In the article, “The Power of Altruism”, David Brooks describes how the likelihood of being kind drops when the act is rewarded. It then becomes an economic transaction, and people feel less guilty for not doing the kind act. When my younger brother and I were both pretty young, we were good about doing things for each other without the impression of receiving anything back. We would often fetch one another a drink if one was heading to the fridge, or changing the channel on TV to something we both enjoyed. Once we got a bit older, I started taking advantage of this. My brother ended up doing a lot more favors, and he realized he could start charging me. Once there was a price on these things that were once done out of kindness, I was much less likely to ask or do anything for him without some compensation. We eventually grew out of this, but those few years of getting my own soda were tough.
In another article, Jonathan Haidt, he describes an experiment in which children gain marbles by pulling a rope together, pulling two separate ropes, or just by the luck of the draw. What the experimenters concluded was that the children were most likely to evenly split the amount of marbles between them if they worked together to pull the rope. This kind of behavior occurred often between my younger brother and I.
My parents were not very strict on us growing up, and we did not have many chores to do; so, there were not many things for us to work on together in order to gain something. We gained a lot of things by chance, like who was given a bigger scoop of ice cream, and a lot of things by working separately, like rewards for doing homework. From what I can remember, we almost never shared our earnings. When one of us got a larger scoop of ice cream, we would refuse to share with the other and claim that the other somehow deserved it less. We were especially selfish when it came to our individual earnings. If we felt entitled to a larger piece of ice cream received simply by luck, then we definitely we not going to share our hard earned rewards.
Since my brother and I have grown up a little, we have come to be more kind and generous towards one another. I think this is a combination of simply liking each other more as well as realizing the advantages that come with helping one another.
In the article, “When a Child Thinks Life is Unfair, Use Game Theory”, there is a section in which it is explained that in hunter-gatherer societies one would share food when they have more than others because they would want them to do the same in the reverse situation. I could say the same logic is used in family situations. This is a simple way to think about family relationships, and it may be subconscious. However, when we are helping a family member, we are hoping that they would do the same if the situation was reversed.
In the article, “The Power of Altruism”, David Brooks describes how the likelihood of being kind drops when the act is rewarded. It then becomes an economic transaction, and people feel less guilty for not doing the kind act. When my younger brother and I were both pretty young, we were good about doing things for each other without the impression of receiving anything back. We would often fetch one another a drink if one was heading to the fridge, or changing the channel on TV to something we both enjoyed. Once we got a bit older, I started taking advantage of this. My brother ended up doing a lot more favors, and he realized he could start charging me. Once there was a price on these things that were once done out of kindness, I was much less likely to ask or do anything for him without some compensation. We eventually grew out of this, but those few years of getting my own soda were tough.
In another article, Jonathan Haidt, he describes an experiment in which children gain marbles by pulling a rope together, pulling two separate ropes, or just by the luck of the draw. What the experimenters concluded was that the children were most likely to evenly split the amount of marbles between them if they worked together to pull the rope. This kind of behavior occurred often between my younger brother and I.
My parents were not very strict on us growing up, and we did not have many chores to do; so, there were not many things for us to work on together in order to gain something. We gained a lot of things by chance, like who was given a bigger scoop of ice cream, and a lot of things by working separately, like rewards for doing homework. From what I can remember, we almost never shared our earnings. When one of us got a larger scoop of ice cream, we would refuse to share with the other and claim that the other somehow deserved it less. We were especially selfish when it came to our individual earnings. If we felt entitled to a larger piece of ice cream received simply by luck, then we definitely we not going to share our hard earned rewards.
Since my brother and I have grown up a little, we have come to be more kind and generous towards one another. I think this is a combination of simply liking each other more as well as realizing the advantages that come with helping one another.
In the article, “When a Child Thinks Life is Unfair, Use Game Theory”, there is a section in which it is explained that in hunter-gatherer societies one would share food when they have more than others because they would want them to do the same in the reverse situation. I could say the same logic is used in family situations. This is a simple way to think about family relationships, and it may be subconscious. However, when we are helping a family member, we are hoping that they would do the same if the situation was reversed.
Your brother charged you for doing favors? I have never heard of such a thing within the family.
ReplyDeleteIn general, there is the issue of whether the family is a special case and behavior there is governed by family rules, or if it typifies behavior in other setting with group interaction. My sense of how this works in my family is that the siblings have such knowledge of each other as adults, even when we don't see each other that often, that it is really different from other interactions where you may be acquainted with the person but don't know them well. Further, there is an implied obligation of how your parents would want you to interact with your siblings. As you get older and well after you've moved out of your parents' house, that obligation gets strong, at least in my experience. So I'm prone to believe the family is special. It would be good to consider the pieces mentioned in the prompt from the perspective of other interactions, at work, or at school, or with housemates. Do the same things apply there?
As someone who also grew up with two brothers, your experiences with sibling rivalry resonated with me. It sounds like, in your case, you were either the oldest or middle child, as you had some power over your brothers. My experience, as the youngest child, is that my brother's are fiercely protective but also not inclined to do anything simply because their bratty little sister told them to.
ReplyDeleteIt is interesting how, during adolescence, age is such a huge factor in sibling negotiations. Once my siblings and I were all 18 or over, this issue seemed to dissolve. Reflecting on it, I think the start of my collegiate years marked the turning point in our relationship. This seemed to mark my entrance into adulthood, and they were finally able to comprehend me as an equal. I'd be curious what your turning point was, or if it has yet to happen.